Family Therapy

Finding a family therapist in New York can be difficult. Hopefully, we can answer any questions you have here, but if you still have questions, feel free to contact us.

Family therapy is a single name for two different things - One meaning of 'family therapy' refers to therapy for what is sometimes called your family of choice or your created family. In this sense of the term, family therapy works to create stronger bonds and within the family, clarify roles and responsibilities, and process significant life events.

The other kind of family therapy we practice refers to therapy for your family of origin - your siblings and parents. In this sense, family therapy works to reunite family members and restore relationships that have becomes strained.

Family Therapy for Parents and Children

Raising children presents challenges that are hard to anticipate. Before having children you and your partner were a team, but now, somehow, you are at each others throats. Things you never imagined would be problems are causing fights. Sometimes people fall into roles that they wish they weren't in - the disciplinarian, the 'fun one', the cook, the bedtime enforcer. Sometimes partners just need to get on the same page, and in those cases couples therapy is your best bet. But sometimes, the problem is not just in the couple, it is part of the total family dynamic.

It is one thing to have conversations about how you will discipline and support your child before you have one, and another to actually do it. That can be difficult for parents, particularly when their child is having academic or behavioral issues. Family therapy can help identify the family dynamics that cause these behavioral problems and improve communication and parenting skills.

However, not all family therapy starts with the parents: teenage or adult children sometimes feel that something is not working and reaches out for family therapy. In these cases, your family therapist will explore the boundaries and hierarchies within the family and how these are communicated across intra-family units (e.g., parents, children). This often involves attention to the implicit rules holding between family members in different contexts.

Family of Origin Therapy & Sibling Therapy

Family represents some of the most important, and most difficult, relationships in your life. It is often hard to see this while you are in it, but families are a moving target - as time goes on, people change and families change too. However, because you've known each other for so long, people tend to keep treating each other in the same ways (so, for example, maybe you are the 'irresponsible' sister because you were irresponsible 14 years ago, or you are the 'angry' parent because you were struggling to raise the kids on your own, but they are now adults). If you need a way out of those entrenched family dynamics, family therapy is a great option.

Siblings often reach out for therapy as well. Whether it is because life has taken you in different directions or a major event has occurred, siblings don't always see eye-to-eye. Normally, that is fine - different people get to live in different ways - but when you have to make important plans together, or if you reliably fight with each other whenever you are near, or if you feel disrespected by the way they speak to you or your partner, that needs to be resolved before the relationship dissolves.

In these cases, our therapists can help shift the focus from what is wrong in the relationship, to what is going well and to help increase the incidents of these positive experiences. We work to restore effective communication between siblings and to figure out what the ideal relationship looks like for each of you, in order to figure to create a lasting relationship that works.

How long does couples therapy take?

Of course, giving an exact answer to this is impossible, but the duration of of couples therapy will be based on the following: Getting right to work: Couples therapy typically moves a bit quicker than individual therapy, but that relies on couples showing up ready to work. We understand that it can feel uncomfortable to have a third person in the room while you argue, discuss deep areas of resentment and sadness, or uncertainties about the relationship, but it is essential to moving through the the current period into something more productive. Do your homework: Couples therapy often involves homework or assignments to work on or think about in-between sessions. That can feel corny or burdensome on your already overloaded schedule, but it really must be done. Individual therapy: In the course of couples therapy, we will invariably touch on painful topics. Having an understanding of those vulnerabilities and what you are bringing to the table is extremely helpful. Although it is not a necessary prerequisite, individual therapy is often the best place to identify and work on those individual issues.
How soon is too soon for couples therapy?

In general, there is a very low false positive to couples therapy and a very high false negative - that is, if you go to a therapist when you don't really need to, it generally does very little damage, but if you don't go to a therapist and you do need to, it is generally very damaging. Researchers once worried that couples therapy was ineffective because people came to therapy too late, so if you are thinking about couples therapy, it is probably a good time to check it out.
Can we do couples therapy remotely?

The short answer is: Yes, but not at the beginning. Although remote therapy can be very effective, it is important that your therapist is able to see the way you interact with each other, and this involves more than just what you say. As the therapy progresses, remote therapy is no problem, but in-person sessions are preferred.
What if my partner refuses to go to couples therapy?

Therapy has to be a voluntary choice. If your partner has questions about the process and would like to discuss these with your therapist prior to your sessions, they are welcome to do so. If they are unwilling, you are alway welcome to explore your issues in individual therapy.