Interview with Communication Intelligence: Founder and Clinical Director Jordan Conrad on Making Time for a Friend

Recently, the motivational speaker Simon Sinek explained that a friend had reached out to him to get some much needed emotional support during a particularly hard week. Not registering the significance of her text that she had a “really hard week” he didn’t respond. After he found out that she was in a dark place and that he missed a chance to be there for her, the two created a code: “the next time one of us really needs the other person, our code would be ‘Do you have eight minutes?’” Sinek explains that eight minutes is really all you need in those situations: “You won’t solve all problems, but you will help them feel, with whatever they’re dealing with, not alone.”  

Hearing that story, journalist Michael Toebe of Communication Intelligence reached out to Madison Park’s founder and clinical director Jordan Conrad to find out if eight minutes is really all it takes to make a friend feel seen.

“For pre-existing relationships,” Jordan explains “this is right”. If you are calling a friend or a partner, you might only need a moment with them to feel grounded again. “It’s right that it won't solve your problems and it will make you feel not alone but that really relies on it being a pre-existing, and perhaps longstanding, friendship.”

Jordan’s emphasizes the depth of the relationship for the eight minute rule to work because what the other person needs in that moment is to feel loved and connected by another person – to feel that their worries matter. “If you know that you are going to see your friend later that week and you'll get to unpack things more, or that your friend will follow-up, eight minutes might be what you need, but if you ask someone for that time and it is hard to get or if you don't hear from them for 2 months afterward, I am not sure that it will help that much. It would feel awful to be feeling so alone, confess that to someone you felt close to, only to feel forgotten by them afterward” Jordan explained.

Jordan points to evidence from the inventors of the renowned Gottman Method, an evidence-based couples therapy technique, that support his claim. “For couples, for instance, some therapists recommend sharing a six-second kiss every day to build connection and intimacy. The six-second kiss is a great way to get you to stop and appreciate what is really important in your life, to slow down and value and prioritize your partner. But, again, that works because it sits atop the shoulders of much more time spent together” Jordan says.