The Chemistry of Love: Interview with The Daily Mail

Relationships are difficult, from start to finish. Whether you are dating in NYC, struggling to find a lasting connection, or in a committed relationship, trying to balance your partner’s needs without sacrificing your own, it is difficult to navigate the ups and downs of romantic attachment. Even siblings and families need help at times to make sure that their family of origin is growing with them, rather than keeping them anchored to one point of their life.

A disproportionate amount of therapeutic focus is devoted to navigating the difficulties of being in an established relationship. People come to couples therapy for premarital counseling, marriage counseling, to communicate better, or just for a check-in. However, dating is difficult – finding your partner is hard and knowing how to work your way through those early feelings can be nerve-wracking. The Daily Mail’s Olivia Salamone reached out to Madison Park’s founder and clinical director, Jordan Conrad, to discuss what the neural basis for those early feelings are, and how they can be used to your advantage.  In “Psychotherapists explain the chemistry behind falling in love… and how you can use it to your advantage” Jordan explained the brain chemistry associated with falling in love:

“When you are in those early stages of love, a very primitive part of the brain – its reward circuits – becomes active. 'Dopamine - the chemical that makes things pleasurable - floods the brain, inducing that euphoric feeling. Cortisol - which generates a stress-like feeling - gives love that urgent feeling. When cortisol rises, serotonin - a neurotransmitter carrying messages throughout your nervous system - becomes depleted, which can further cause those obsessive thoughts about the loved person. Another chemical is the hormone oxytocin, which is released during sex and skin-to-skin contact and enhances attachment and causes people to feel satisfied or calm."

However, Dr. Conrad explains that falling in love also involves a degree of delusion: “When people are in love, they tend to view the other person as more attractive, funnier, smarter, and more interesting than they would if they were not in love.” While some of the other therapist’s suggested that you should attempt to counteract these feelings, Dr. Conrad explained that this can be a positive thing:

“On the one hand, you might say that knowing this might be advantageous - you might try to counteract those irrational evaluations in order to gain a more accurate understanding of the other. But that would be a big mistake. It is a good thing to have an inflated sense of the other, to view them highly, to be infatuated with them. If it is healthy and within reason, that wild and infatuated feeling is a positive - I wouldn't encourage people to lose it, I would encourage them to figure out how they can keep it for longer. Studies show that some people maintain that 'honeymoon' phase for years and years, losing only the anxious part of it but keeping the excited and intensely in-love part.”